It was another big night for The X Factor last night. On Halloween Eve (is Halloween Eve actually a thing, or have I just made that up?), the contestants put on their best spooky performances and the results were chilling and, in some cases, genuinely terrifying. Take Aiden Grimshaw for example. Every week he looks more and more like he is going to reach out of the TV and very quietly throttle you before climbing back in and finishing his song. Last night he performed a weird acoustic version of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” surrounded by these weird mannequin-style dancers. During the comments Cheryl Cole said “you’re 18 I just want to see you smile”, which provoked Aiden to pull this face:
Now I know that I am known for being a miserable thing as well, but even I know that the above image does not show a smiling teenager. If that is what counts as a smile in Grimshaw-land then I dread to think what happens when they’re feeling angry.
Another of my highlights was Mary “Big Fat Mary” Byrne coming out in some racy devil horns and being called a “horny devil” by Simon Cowell, which actually made me a little bit sick. She opened the show with a performance of “Could It Be Magic?” which was possibly the campest thing that has ever been broadcast on television before. Let’s watch:
I literally adore this woman. People slam The X Factor for killing “real” music, but where else is a 50-year old Tesco work going to get a platform for becoming a national treasure like Mary has? I think people need to lighten up, if you ask me.
Speaking of which, the bit in Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love” where she goes “you cut me open and Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii” is the greatest piece of recorded sound of all time. The song itself is not all that, but fast-forward to 3:32 of this to hear what I mean for yourself:
Beautiful. Can you think of a song that features a 5-second section that sums up more about life and love than that bit of Bleeding Love? No, you can’t. Such a thing doesn’t exist. Yet last night Matt Cardle managed (hatlessly, thank God) to make this passionate song into an utter snooze-fest. The strange thing was that it sounded like a Snow Patrol version of a Leona Lewis song, when we’ve already heard what can happen when the opposite happens (Run, remember?) Let’s just remind ourselves of Matt’s yawn-inducing performance, I advise having some Pro Plus at hand in case you doze off in the middle:
How this man is favourite to win the competition ahead of the eccentric Katie Waissel and the fire-ball of Cher Lloyd is beyond me. And speaking of Cher, she was the absolute performer of the night. Last night it was suggested she should do a song that featured more actual singing (in lieu of her trademark rapping). What she did was a haunting ballad that caught me, and presumably everyone else watching, completely off-guard. Gone was her swagger, her dancers, her attitude. Left on the stage was a girl and her voice. Check out the performance here:
Sorry I mean here:
The best part of the night came after Treyc Cohen’s performance of Relight My Fire which was completely unmemorable. Simon Cowell accused Cheryl of being more interested in her other three acts than Treyc, as Treyc’s performance- while all undeniably good- had been inconsistent and she’d yet to find a real niche for her singing. Cheryl told Simon she and Treyc had a great bond, which made Simon ask the Geordie judge, to prove a point, where Treyc lives. THERE WAS THEN THE WORLD’S LONGEST PAUSE WHILE CHERYL RACKED HER BRAIN. Then she pulled this face:
Tonight one act (presumably Belle Amie) will be sent home. I wanna know who you think should be in the bottom two, and who you think the judges will be sending home.
Laters! x
Through To Boot Camp 